Your relationship has been wonderful, except that your soulmate and you seem to get your wires "crossed" once in a while. Let 4 Gals n Boystell you how to interpret the hidden codes and avoid those testy moments of miscommunication.
Girls never say what they mean and mean what they say. I bet you have heard the complaint before. They seemed to think that girls enjoying playing mind games. "My girlfriend expects me to be telepathic or something. She'd say one thing and then expect me to do something else. If I get it wrong, she gets all sulky," says a confused and exasperated 19-year-old guy. When it comes to understanding th ladies, it helps to remember that they are used to communicating with more than words. Just spend a few moments observing how girls communicate among themselves. They rely on more cues and "feeling" than the mere spoken word.
Sometimes, they can guess what is on one another's minds even before the thoughts are uttered. They can also detect hidden meanings from seemingly harmless statements. As such, they tend to expect the same level of sensitivity form guys. But most guys are not used to this kind of communication. They would prefer straight talking to guessing games on any day. There is a certain level of discomfort if they have to keep digging for the real meaning behind a girl's word. It's like being on "The Pyramid Game" all the time - it gets tedious after a while. Still, there is no excuse from both sides to blame each other when miscommunication occurs. With a little help from Heaven and the code-breaker below, guys will be able to detect the hidden messages behind their girlfriends' words.
Code-Breaker 1
Her words: I don't mind you going out with the guys...
Her rhoughts: I don't mind you going out with the guys, as long as you don't do it on our time!
Let's face it, couplehood can get boring sometimes. It's healthier to maintain friendships with same-sex friends. But give some respect to special occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries of your first date. Most girls consider them as "sacred days", so keep these free.
Code-Breaker 2
Her words: I don't want an expensive present.
Her thoughts: I don't want an expensive present such as the Crown Jewels, but I don't want a "cheap" present either!
Many girls see the birthday gift as the litmus test that indicates how much their guys value and understand them. While it's true that an expensive gift does not necessarily mean love, a dirt-cheap piece of junk that looks like it were fished out from a dump definitely means that the guy doesn't give a care about what his girlfriend likes. No one is saying you have to get her Cartier diamonds or Tiffany rings. Work sensibly within your budget, and get her a gift that complements her pesonality.
Code-Breaker 3
Her words: Give me an honest opinion.
Her thoughts: Give me an honest opinion, but coat the bitter pill with lots of sugar first!
First of all, you need to recognise that utterances of this nature often point to deeper issues. When she looks pleadingly in your eyes and asks for an "honest" opinion, she is probably feeling anxious, insecure and depressed. So this is not the time to blare out and flatten her ego like a steamroller. You don't have to lie through your teeth, but you could offer the truth with a healthy dose of sunshine. Suppose she wants to knw if she's getting fat. The truth is, you've noticed that she has been packing on the pounds. Instead of saying, "Camryn Mannheim (from The Practice) wouldn't think so", tell her honestly, "You've put on weight, but a couple of kilos won't hurt you. Everyone's noticed how voluptuous Britney Spears is, now that she has gained some weight. And I still love you!"
Code-Breaker 4
Her words: I'm not jealous of your ex, sweetheart.
Her thoughts: I'm not jealous of your ex, sweetheart. I'm just wondering what possessed you to date her in the first place!
A girl could be insecure about the prior relationships that her boyfriend has had for many reasons. One of these would be because that part of his life forever belong to him and his ex. So don't assume naively that just because your girlfriend doesn't bristle every time you mention your ex's name, she''ll be fine with you talking in that wistful tone: "Mary was such a sweet girl..." or "She had such lovely eyes...". All reminiscences of your ex should be kept strictly private, within the domain of your own brain. And a sure way to douse those flames of passion would be to bring her to a restaurant that your ex and you went to, because you "had a wonderful time there". In fact, don't even refer to her as your ex, as if she still belongs to you. When your relationship matures, you will have plenty of chances to tackle such taboo subjects.
Code-Breaker 5
Her words: (uttered after a heated fight): Don't ever call me again!
Her thoughts: Don't call ne now: I haven't cooled off and we might say the wrong things to hurt each other further.
People say that the craziest things when they are mad: girls are no different. So the threats that your grlfriend dishes out during a fight needs to be considered carefully. You would wait for a boiling kettle to cool down before touching it, wouldn't you? Likewise, you should give each other a "cooling-off" period to calm down before deciding on the next step of action. And if you had started the argument in the first place, be a man and take the initiative to apologise to her!
Communication is most effective when the parties involved are honest with each other. You got to admit though, that total honesty is an idealistic but unrealistic state to aspire to. So for a relationship to work, both parties have to make some adjustments in the way they express themselves. Girls could start elaborating on how they really feel, instead of saying just the "romantically-correct" things. And guys could respond with more love and tact!
Labels: cues, feelings, hidden codes, hidden meanings, mind games, miscommunication, sensitivity, telepathic
