Do you think you're ready?
"He said if I really love him, I should do it. Just like all his ex-girlfriends."
"All my classmates are doing it with their steads nowadays, why is it so wrong if I do it?"
"I really, really love her and we both think it's okay because we'll probably get married in the future. So should I do it with my girlfriend now?"
"I know what I'm doing and, besides, I won't be so lucky."
Sounds familiar? I suppose only you would know if thoughts like these have ever crossed your mind. True, there are many people your age out there who are living sexually active lives. But do you know that there are also many others who are still struggling to make the right decision? If you're struggling, you're definitely not alone.
Well, first and foremost, I guess you'd better be saying "No" if you or your girlfriend are below the age of 16. Because, if the girl is below that age, she is considered a minor and to have sexual relations with a minor is considered a criminal offence. Yes, that is even if she agreed to have sex with you. It's not old-fashioned nor is it prudish to think that your virginity should be given to the person you eventually would want to marry, and not lose it to some ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm saying that because virginity is more than just a part of your body that changes when you have sex. A part of you has changed too, emotionally and psychologically. Our bodies are precious and should be treated like a prized possession. Why take the chance to let just anyone tread on "private property" and ruin all that's within in?
Sure, the taste of the forbidden fruit has immense pulling power. One guy counselled said this: "When I first kissed my girlfriend, I felt such a strong surge within me to venture further. The feeling was so strong and I didn't even know I was capable of feeling that way! It scared even myself." Knowing how difficult it is to exercise self-control, any teenager who is capable of exercising that is definitely worthy of admiration and respect. Always treat your dates the way you would like someone else to treat your future girlfriend or boyfriend. Otherwise, the feeling of regret and remorse will be even stronger! If you're not married, I would want to suggest you say "No" too. Sure, you might say that you've heard about the risks with getting an unwanted pregnancy or a definitely unwanted disease. But I'll tell you, they are REAL! It really happens "But I use protection!", "I count the days in my cycle!", you would protest. Well, it doesn't matter if you use the latest invention you find in the condom shop downtown or if you calculate to the most accurate day in your cycle. No use praying really hard the next morning either. The harsh truth here is that, there is NO method that's 100% safe.
Oh, wait a minute! I'm sorry, there is one, ladies and gentlemwn, and that is NOT to have pre-marital sex. Have you heard the saying, "Three minutes of pleasure may bring you 30 years of suffering?" I can't agree more. Ask yourself, are you ready to be a parent? Only sex within the boundaries of marriage is safe. And please, stop telling yourself that you won't be that unlucky. This is not a matter of luck. This is a consequence. You really should not base your argument and statistics on truth you see from TV either. In TV land, everyone can sleep with everyone else and no one gets pregnant, hurt or suffer from any diseases. Well, too bad, life is not a movie.Now, if you know in your heart that yourelationship is more physical than anything else, I fear for you. I wish you will realise that no amount of sex can buy love and you should never even try to do that. Because love is not synonymous with sex. Sure, sex is one of he many aspects of love. But if the only reason why your relationship exists is because the both of you are having sex, end it. Don't allow yourself to get more hurt than you already are. Is this the kind of relatinship you want or deserve?
You may have friends around you who make it a point to let you know how their sexual experiences have been with so and so. Or how many steads they have been sleeping with. And while listening to them, you may start to feel pressurised to be like one of them. I want you to know that one of the most common excuses people use just so that they will feel less guilt when they engage in pre-marital sex is that they will look bad in front of their friends if they don't. Because they are the odd ones out, I can imagine how some friends may tease you if you tell them you are still a virgin or that you don't want to have sex with your stead because you respect him/her. But I can also imagine the freedom you will experience in your relationship because you don't have to worry about the consequences due to the risks you've taken like they have to. If you have friends like that who are only out to boast or lure you to make the same mistake they are making, then perhaps it's time for you to look for new friends. Friends will encourage you and protect you to respect the person you are dating and earn the same respect back.
"When I first met her, it was exactly like a scene right out of a fairytale. I fell in love with her at first sight. It was almost like there was music playing, birds chirping and bells ringing. My heart was thumping like crazy. Everything was perfect."
Sounds perfect too! But it's totally unrealistic to expect things in a relationship to stay this way. I would say that it's unhealthy when your relationship stays this way only. This is because if the two of you are getting to know each other better, you would be learning to accept the other person's personality, families and enjoying each other's company. Subsequently, there will be greater steadfastness, depth and stability in the love that you share. You no longer see only the good side of the other person. You will learn to support and love each other through the good times and the bad. No, I'm not saying that all the romance should fade, but just like sex is physical and its pleasing sensations short-lived, so should the fairy tale-like feelings as the relationship becomes mature and the love becomes more real. Learn to enjoy holding each other's hands and loving your stead in a creative manner. Go out and do things together that will help you to know each other more. Don't shut your other friends out of your world either! It's always healthy to spend time with other friends instead of confining yourselves to an island of two. Love is a wonderful thing. So if you think you're experiencing that, I hope you would learn how to make decisions that will not spoil it, but develop it.
