Most articles on coping with break-ups deal with boy-girl relationships. But being dumped by a friend is just as painfu. 4 Gals n Boys look at what you can do to keep the friendship, and if that fails, how to rebuild your life.
Bobody will dispute the importance of a good friend - someone who is your confidante, stress buster, cheerleader and all around great companion. Yet it is not uncommon for friendships to break up and good friends to become mere aquaintances or in some cases, enemies.
The Classic Friendship
The bond between Chantal and Sabrina is a typical friendship born out of constant proximity to each other. Brought together as classmats in Secondary One (junior high school for some of you readers), both become fast friends and remained inseparable their time in lower secondary. They did everything together: They sat side by side, ate during during lunch break and did projects together. Sabrina was Chantals' cheerleader when the latter performed with the Modern Dance Club during various school functions and Chantal was there every saturday after Sabrin'a weekend training sessions. Then the inevitable happened and both had to decide which stream to choose after the results for the secondary school exams were announced. Chantal was basically an Arts student and wanted to pursue her studies in that stream. Sabrina on the other hand excelled in Maths and Science and the obvious choice for her was the Pure Science stream. Both assured each other that nothing would change and that they would still be the best of friends. There would still be the sharing of secrets and the juicy gossip sessions over the long conversations and both would still meet up on Saturday afternoon after their respective training sessions.
My Best Friend Changed
School term started and work piled up. Initially, both would muse over their predicament about feeling lost without each other and how fun it would have been if they were in the same class. And of course there were the usual complaints that the other classmates were so boring. Instead of drifting apart, Sabrina and Chantal remained close friends. Then it happened. The phone calls from Sabrina started to decrease as the exams drew near. Even when Chantal called her, she couldn't speak for long as she had a heavy workload. She also slowly made good friends in her own class. The final straw for Chantal was when Sabrina started hanging out with another girl from her class after school. Chantal felt that she too should prove a point by finding another buddy. While their friendship remained cordial, the closeness they had shared was lost forever.
What You Can Do
Before we talk about how you can get over a break-up, let's deal with what you can do to patch up a broken relationship. If the person is your best friend and he/she means a lot to you, it's worth giving it a second chance, isn't it?
Make The Effort
Before you are ready to throw in the towel, ask yourself if you are also guilty of neglecting your friendship. Have you done enough to keep it going? You don't have to talk or see each other everyday to remain best friends. You can communicate by e-mail or meet each other once a week to catch up on things. Keep in mind that sometimes the reason why your friend doesn't respond to your calls could be because he/she is genuinely busy with school and exams. So, do be understanding.
Stop Being Possessive
Quit any possessive thoughts and keep that control freak in you in check. It will only make you more miserable. Just because he/she is your good friend does not mean they can't have other friends. In fact, it's healthy to have a wide circle of friends and not just stick with each other all the time. This is also a chance to expand your friendship circle.
Talk
Most of all, speak to your friend about how you are feeling neglected. Tell your pal about how you feel that you are growing apart. Make it clear that you still value the friendship and that you'd like things to be the way they were before. Your buddy may have been so preoccupied with other things that he/she may not even have realised that your relationship was in trouble, and this will be a wake-up call. Trash things out and reaffirm your friendship ties.
Life After
If none of the suggestions above work, then it's time to move on. No point crying over a 'pal' who doesn't value friendships. There's really no point in being friends with this person. Cheer up, there are many more friendships to be made.
Make New Friends
Open up and widen your social circle. But don't make it your mission to find someone to replace your best friend ASAP. Friendships like any other relationship takes time to form. Try to make as many friends as you can and in time, you will find someone special.
You Could Join A New Activity Group:
Take up a new hobby or join a new club. This way, you will meet a whole new group of people with shared interests.
Find New Joy In The Old
Alternatively, continue with your present activities and get to know the rest of the people in your school/calss whom previously you didn't make an attempt to make friends with. There are lots of good friends waiting to be discovered.
Signs of friendship trouble:
» You used to finish each other's sentences and be able to read your friend's mind like an open book. Now you find your good friend more like a unsolvable puzzle.
» Confiding in each other used to be the highlight of your conversation. But now, it has become uncomfortable to talk about your innermost feelings.
» It feels like a chore to have to call your best friend to say "Hi".
» Your conversation starts to get boring after just 15 minutes.
» You feel happier being with another friend.
Labels: break-ups, cheerleader, classic friendship, confidante, dumped by friend, great companion, rebuild your life, stress buster
