Have you ever received a gift from your stead only to be disappointed with it? Or have you heard your stead complain how he/she wishes you will spend more time with him/her? Or say "I love you" more? Sounds like being in love is not as rosy as what you imagined it to be, is it? I'm sure you've heard it before: falling in love is easy, but staying in love is not. ow true. When you first started out as a couple, all you want to do is spend 24 hours a day together. And remember how that heart of yours would always skip a beat whenever your stead walks into the room? Feelings of passion can make us float on cloud nine, and even substitute for air and food!
But three months down the road (for some, it's even shorter), are you finding yourself increasingly irritated with your stead because he wants to spend his afternoon playing World of Warcraft with his friends yet again? Are you losing patience for her while she tries out a truckload of clothes in the fitting room? Then you start wondering: are you still in love?
Speaking Of Love
Allow me to introduce this concept called "love languages". Founded by Dr Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, he wrote about how men and women give and receive love in their own different ways. And when they learn to speak each other's language of love, many wonderful things can happen. Here are the five main love languages. See which one ticks for you!
01. Love Language One: Quality Time
In a busy society like America, Singapore, Japan, to name a few, time is definitely of the essence. Very often, couples fail to find or make time to talk to each other. Time spent together does not mean being in the same room physically. It means talking and sharing with each other, or doing something that is enjoyable to both. Watching TV is often misunderstood as one such activity. That's right; watching TV or movies may actually serve to drive the couple further apart as no conversation takes place. The important thing is quality and quantity. What you say or do, and how much of yourself you put into the activity you do together. If you hardly have a few days in a week to spend with each other, make sure that on the days you get to, spend them wisely and meaningfully.
02. Love Language Two: Words Of Affirmation
Evevryone loves to hear words that encourage him/her or something that makes him/her feel loved and cherished. We often overlook the need to say such words because we tend to focus too much on our need to receive them. Personal words that touch our souls have extraordinary power to lift our spirits or leave them in the dumps. Hurtful words function like a sword, with the capacity to penetrate, cut and wound deeply. So be extra careful with your choice of words and tone of voice because to someone who loves you, a careless word may be all that's needed to tear him or her into pieces. On the other hand, you may find that your stead is someone who is always asking you if you love or miss him/her. While there may be many factors contributing to that, I would say the primary reason is that his/her love language is words of affirmation. Your stead may even consider hearing how much you appreciate him/her more than the love his/her mother showers on him/her. That's how much he/she needs to hear it from you. You can buy the most beautifully clothes for her or the latest joystick for him, but it won't even measure to a simple "You are the apple of my eye".
03. Love Language Three: Touch
We instinctively put our arms around a friend who is upset or needs support. That is because we know that they can sense the love that is translated through a hug or a pat on the shoulder. However, it is important for us to understand our stead's preference when it comes to touch, just like all the other love languages. Some kinds of touching are wonderful; others, irritating. If your stead comes from a family where no one ever touches, hugs or kisses, then the likelihood of his/her primary love language being touch is not going to be too high. I must add that this touch that I am talking about is not about sensual touch. I am talking about touching which communicates meaningful love (not lust!). Many guys think that to let their girlfriends feel loved, they have to kiss them passionately when sometimes, all they want is for their boyfriends to hold their hands. Find out from your stead when is the right time to touch, and in what way.
04. Love Language Four: Acts Of Services
Most couples eagerly serve each other when they first start dating. In fact, the time when acts of services are most obvious in a couple is before they become steads. They are always looking for ways to impress, help, surprise and just basically be around the other part during that time. Call them at anytime of the day and they will be there for you. Ask for any favour and consider it done. Nothing is impossible and too troublesome. So why is there a change after the relationship settles down and sparks of passion dim? I believe that no matter how long a couple has been together, this love language is one sure way to let your stead know not just with words (because words without action is dead) of your love. Your stead may not be the one who sends you flowers every week or writes the most beautiful poem for you. But have you overlooked how he/she would make sure that your library books get returned on time? Or how your handphone bills get paid in time? That's how he/she chooses to love you. His/Her love language, in this case, is acts of services. You'll find that most couples will also serve each other lavishly on special occasions such as Valentine's Day and Christmas Day. That's still better than nothing, I suppose. But serve your stead with love, and you'll be surprised at the results.
05. Love Language Five: Gifts
Gifts need not be expensive or branded. They can be handmade or just simple things that tell the other person that you are thinking of him/her. I have a friend (who is married now) who's boyfriend brought back a seashell for her when he had to go overseas, it tells her that he thought of her even when they were physically apart, and he wished she was there with him. This still means a lot to her after all these years.
So there, the five primary love languages. Now you need to ask yourself what your love language is, how you wish to receive and give love. Then ask yourself (or better still, ask your stead!) what his/her primary love language is. Strike a balance in the way you express your love and see the results for yourself!
Labels: acts of service, affirmative words, falling in love, feelings, gifts, love language, passion, quality time, speaking of love, touch
