Story-telling is something that most of us looked forward to when we were young. However, making up stories and pretending to be what you arn't will do you more harm than good. 4 Gals N Boys tells you why.
An all-too-familiar scenario: Everyone is class is talking about how he/she had spent their school holidays. Jon gushes about his family trip to cosmopolitan Hong Kong while Sandy thrills with exciting anecdotes from her trekking adventure in Mount Kinabalu. And Dave makes everyone laugh with his witty comments on the things he saw while touring Down Under. "What about you? What did you do during vacation?" Someone turns to you and ask. Your pulse quickens. Your mind is in a whirl. Before you know it, your tongue starts to spin a fictitious tale to hide the fact that you stayed over at your Grandma's place (which was within walking distance from where you live) for the entire school vacation. "Errm... well, heh heh... I went to Tokyo Disneyland." Suddenly all eyes are on you as you take centre stage. "Yeah, and I met Ayumi Hamsaki there!" You add, noting the impressed look on your friends' faces.
Me, A Loser? No Way!
Nobody likes to feel out of place in a group. Some of us harbour a great fear of being mocked at if we are found not to be "on par" with others. But as with all things in life, we don't always get what we want. So we often invent stories to cover up our inadequacies. We hope that these "little white lies" will gain us acceptance among our peers, and give us courage to face the world. But the strange thing about pretending is that you usually don't realise that you are doing it. Maybe it's because the imaginative human mind makes it so easy to concoct tales. And even if you are conscious of it, you tend to brush it off as a harmless joke on your friends. After all, something that gives you a tingling rush can't be all that bad, can it? And playing make-believe can feel really good. It gets you into the limelight and could even get you the date that you are hoping to attract!
So What's Wrong With Being A Great Pretender?
Tall tales can only take you so far. Apart from abusing the trust of others, you could also hurt their feelings when they discover the truth. But more importantly, the habitual spinning of half-truths and total untruths has devastating effects on yourself.
It Lowers Your Self-Esteem
Having to pretend all the time is sending a message to your brain that you aren't good enough without those tales. You depend on your pretence to make friends and get along with people. Insecurity creeps up on you once you start to reveal a little about your real self, so you keep this part of you buried under layers of lies.
You Won't Get To Know Yourself
Pretending may draw a bigger circle of friends to you in the beginning. To keep them with you, you have to change your stories to suit your audience. You don't give yourself a chance to develop your own taste in things, because you have imprisoned your mind with the "My taste is the sum of all your tastes" mantra. The tragedy is that you fail to discover who you really are and all those hidden talents that you may possess.
It Can Get Very Stressful
How can you relax if you are always watching yourself and telling yourself not to slip up? As your story become more complicated and detailed, you need to remind yourself to be consistent in your lies. You also have to make sure that your family members won't get to meet your friends, in case thy start talking about you! And you probably won't be having slumber parties in your house if your friends believe that you live in a posh penthouse.
It Isolates You
Pretending doesn't really bring you closer to the "in" crowd. Ok, maybe for that moment when your friends were caught up in your spell. But when you are all alone, back in your tiny room, reality takes over. You will feel even more alone than before, because the guilt that you have to bear can be staggering. Despair may take over your heart as you feel that no one knows the real you.
Zapping The Great Pretender In You
Admitting that you have been less than honest sucks, because it involves giving up a fantasy and having to face reality. All at once, you start to feel inadequate. But give it some time and you will reap the benefits of having cast away the burden of a false front. Relief will flood your heart when you realise that you do not have to remember each and every tale that you have made up. Here's how to put the Great Pretender in you to a permanent slumber.
Step 1: Decide To Put This To An End
You don't have to call up every one of your friends and confess to them that you actually live in a tiny flat and not in a posh penthouse. Just make sure that you drop the pretend act for good. Just as you didn't tell that whole world that you stopped clutching your teddy bear to bed only after your tenth birthday, you do not have to announce to everybody that you are a Great Pretender.
Step 2: Counter Your Lies With A True Explanation
Ok, now that you've promised yourself not to pretend anymore, it's high time to think up some really smart excuses when your friends inquire about your "so wonderful" life. Suppose you have been telling everyone that you absolutely luuuurve dance phenomenon Moby, and had been to his concert in the States. (In real life, you have never heard his songs.) If your friends ask if you have caught his latest music video on cable, just reply coolly, "Nope. Grew sick of him. Not into his music anymore. Am crazy about (fill in the name of the band/singer whom you really like)."
Keeping The Great Pretender At Bay
If you really want to prevent the Great Pretender from making a comeback, you have to understand that you do not have to be exactly like your friends to be liked. Remember that just because they are into emo rock doesn't mean that you are less cool than them., if you should prefer the pop scene. Being unique is a good thing. Don't ever force yourself to conform to a standard that you are not comfortable with. Let others know that you are the one spunky person who knows what's important in life, and is true to his/her self. And that you are broad-minded enough to accept differences among your friends. Think about it: you may not be a big fan of Hello Kitty, but you aren't someone who would ditch your friend just because she worships the mouthless feline. However, if the people you hang out with tease you mercilessly for revealing your true self, then it's time to give them the boot! They are definitely not worthy to be your friends. True friends will like you for who you are. They will respect your taste, whether in music, clothes, or even the opposite sex (even if they have their personal preferences). That's what friendship is about: accepting someone different and loving him/her for it. And once you have found this group of friends, you'll discover that all that pretending is really unecessary!
Labels: abusing trust, great pretender, hurt feelings, inadequacies, making up stories, mockery, on par, out of place, pretending, story-telling
