How do you react when someone says unkind things to you? Do you look back meekly, hopng that no one notices that your eyes are becoming watery? Or do you retort and challenge the person, only to regret later?
It is perfectly natural to take offence when someone is rude and unfair to you. How many times have we been tempted to speak up and tell him exactly what you think of him! However, blurting out in the same nasty tone that the person had used could backfire and lead to an even crazier situation.
Put Yourself In Their Shoes
I did my Christmas shopping at the very last minute in the previous year. I had spent the whole day at a departmental store, hunting desperately for gifts for my family and friends. Tired, impatient and in a crabby mood, I wheeled my heavy trolley from the cashier towards the gift-wrapping counter. The queue was incredibly long. The alternative to standin in line was to wrap the 15 presents myself, and that was quite unthinkable. So I started humming to Christmas jingles (that had been played at least eight times since noon) to kill time. When my turn finally came, my fussines got the better of me. I instructed the salesgirl to use different gift wrappers for the presents. "Do you have to be so particular about which wrapper to use? Do you think it is so easy to wrap all 15 items?" she blared out. I was outraged. My face turned pink and angry words popped up in my frazzled mind. I was about to give her a piece of my mind when a thought suddenly occurred to me. Why did she say something so nasty to me? Maybe she was overworked and feeling a little crabby too? So I changed my tone and asked instead: "Is it one of those tough days again?"
Immediately, her hostility vanished. " It was non-stop wrapping from 11 this morning. I'm supposed to be at home celebrating my Mum's birthday, but now I have to cover up for a colleague who called at the last minute to inform us that she couldn't make it," she sighed as she wrapped my gifts. Amazingly, she completed the task faster than I had expected. Before I left, she waved goodbye and gave me a warm smile. Unknowingly, I had avoided an argument!
Add A Dash Of Humour
Danny, my 1.9m tall neighbour is crazy over wacky T-shirts. When he came back from the Gold Coast last December with a bag full of them, he couldn't wait to wear them and show them off to me. We agreed that each time we meet up, he would wear a different one. One day, he wore a really funny T-shirt. In big, bold and right letters, the T-shirt announced: "No, I am not a basketball player." And on the back of it was written, "Are you a jockey?". Some guys I would probably die than to wear those words on a T-shirt, but not Danny. I really have to hand it to him for being able to laugh off himself. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Danny had always been the butt of jokes since young for his height. Even to this day, unkind remarks are still being directed at him. But Danny would just shrug these comments aside. "I used to get hurt and would flare up when people made fun of me. But it only made them want to do it more often. It was my Dad who advised me to take things easy. He said, 'Son, since you can't beat them, join them.' From then on, I would deflect hurtful remarks with a lethal dose of humour. They would say, 'You're like the Incredible Hulk!' and I'll go, 'Yeah, and I can crush you like a cockroach.' So you see, I do manage to turn the tables on them sometimes and make them look foolish!"
This is something that we can learn from Danny. Handling sarcastic comments and mean people with humour is like taking a bitter pill that is coated with your favourite hazelnut spread. It makes swallowing easier and stops the irritation.
Exit Gracefully
Sometimes, a conversation about a certain topic could be volatile for one party. Worse still, both parties may have different opinions on it, and the discussion could easily heat up to an argument. This usually happens when we are discussing issues that do not have clear-cut rights or wrongs. Does it mean that you should not talk about such issues and stick to boring stuff like the weather? You don't have to. Agreeing to disagree before such a discussion starts can make a world of difference. KNowing when to stop pushing your point of view is also an important technique to learn.
For example, group discussions are often tension-charged situations. The more headstrong members often launch into arguments and hang on like a leech until one party gives in. But just because you do not agree with each other does not necessarily mean that you are enemies. Remind one another of common goals and emphasise similarities instead of differences. Saying "Hey, we all want the best for our assignment right?" can lead the discussion back to its original path and get everyone working in the same direction again. Bowing out gracefully and not taking sides could also be an effective way to avoid being dragged into an argument. When faced with a no-win debate initiated by others, just put up your hands and say, "Leave me out of this one!" In most situations, arguments are a waste of time. By avoiding unnecessary and fruitless arguments, you can be more efficient, savvy and tactful.
Labels: argument, rude, take offence, unfair, unkind remarks
