What to do when you're touched by a stranger
You've had a long and tiring day at school. All you want to do is take a nap. What better time to do it than during the bus ride home? You board the bus, keeping your fingers crossed that you can find a seat. Yes! There are not too many commuters travelling at that time of the day, so there's enough space for you to even lie down and go to sleep! Happily, you walk to the back of the bus and plonk yourself down in a corner. Leaning your head against the window, you shut your tired eyes thankfully and settle down for a nice, long nap.
Does this scenario sounds familair to you? But, wait, there is more. As you nap, you suddenly realise that the hem of your skirt is slipping up your thigh. Thinking that it's the motion of the bus or the wind, you pull it down to cover your knees, with your eyes still shut. For a while, it stays. Then it starts to slip again. You open your eyes quickly and see a man sitting next to you. So, it wasn't the motion of the bus, neither was it the wind! It was this man sitting next to you who was trying to find his way up your skirt!
What do you do? Do you:
a) Close your eyes and pretend to sleep, hoping and praying that he will go away;
b) Look out the window and try to move further away from him by plastering yourself against the side of the bus;
c) Can't be bothered because, after all, it's only your thigh, no big deal;
d) Stand up and move to another seat, or
e) Slap him and seek help from the other commuters or the bus driver.
If your answer is (a) or (b), God help you. Frankly speaking, in such a situation, no one can help you but yourself. The more scared you appear to be, the bolder he will get. If your answer is (c), you need help -- fast! If your answer is (d) or (e), I applaud you, girl! Swallow your pride and your fright and get help from somebody, anybody! Singaproeans are very helpful and will go all out to help a fellow Singaporean, especially a young and pretty girl. All you need to do is shout "Molest!" and all eyes will be turned on you. If you're lucky enough, a hunk might come to your rescue.
Many other things can happen in a crowded bus. Aside from pickpockets, watch out for molestors. Sometimes, they do it so discreetly that you don't even know that you are being sexually abused! One such example is men who are known to have a habit of "grinding". They make use of the crowd in the bus to stand very close to you. Then, what they do is "grind" their groin against your back if you are standing up, or against your shoulder if you are sitting down. Givn them the benefit of doubt if they bump into you when the bus jerks now and then. But, be suspicious if they stayed glued to you even though the bus is not in motion! Unfortunately, we are unable to identify these people at first glance. Not all shabbily dressed men are the culprits, although we tend to be more cautious of them if they come within a certain radius of us. Ironically, some of these perverts are very well-dressed. Life would be much easier if only they had the word "molestor" carved on their foreheads.
Although we are unable to detect them by their appearance, we can always guess from the way they behave. If you notice someone sneaking glances at you, do not be too flattered, especially if that person is beyond your age limit. He might not just want your telephone number, he might be after something else. Be on your guard if he moves nearer and nearer to you. I am sorry if I sound prejudiced, but please be on the alert if you see someone who has a lecherous look. I know, I know, some men are born with that "lecherous" look even if they are perfect gentlemen. But it is better to be safe than sorry, right? How to define a lecherous look? Well, the nasty way that they smile or the way that they look at you which makes you feel uncomfortable and exposed. Eyes that rove up and down your body, eyes that keep returning to your chest. Fingers that keep fidgeting because they long to touch you. Eyes that dart here and there to make sure that nobody is looking. Strained efforts to look nonchalant when you look at them. All these are tell-tale signs.
Basically, it boils down to this -- do NOT keep quiet and wait for that pervert to go away. Do NOT hesitate and think "What if he denies it? What if it is a misunderstanding?" Well, you will not know until you find out! There is nothing embarrassing about such a situation. The only person who will be embarrassed is the pervert himself. People who do such a low-down and despicable thing are cowards. And, being the cowards they are, the minute you stand up to them, they will panic and flee. If you want to lodge a police report against him, by all means, please do so. Just ask a couple of kind souls on board the bus to stand witness and go to the police station with you. There was a case a long time ago, whereby the bus driver actually dropped them off at the nearest police station. Singapore is full of helpful people. The problem is, most of them are just too shy to approach someone to help. But they will not hesitate to come to your rescue, if you will only ask for it.
You will live to regret it if you let him have his way. Trust me, I know it because I was a victim once and I was too scared to do anything then. Up till now, I regret not asking for help at that time. That's too bad, because we are only given one chance to do it. Keep your eyes peeled for such a situation. Do not hesitate to help the damsel in distress. Or, if you are the damsel in distress, do not hesitate to seek help from the heroes around you. We have to stand up together against these perverts and teach them a lesson that they will not forget. Such perverted actions should not and will never be condoned. Do your part to keep the perverts at bay. Although such situations are beyond our control, below are a few suggestions on how to prevent them from happening:
» Try not to fall asleep on the bus.
» If you have to go to sleep, tuck your skirt tightly under you before you fall asleep. Or put your bag or file on your lap, covering the hem of your skirt. This way, the only way to gain access to your skirt is to either jerk your skirt from under you or remove your bag or files. If neither of these movements can wake you up, adhere strictly to the point above!
» Do not sit alone on the upper deck of the double-decker bus, especially late at night. Sit where the driver can see you.
» Do not tempt such men by dressing too scantily when you go out, especially late at night. You are only inviting trouble by doing so. I know girls want to show off their figures as well as their sense of fashion when they go partying. It's OK to follow the trends, but bring a jacket along if possible, which you can take off when dancing and put on during the bus ride.
» Do not show him that you are scared. Stare him down and give him that "Don't even think of it" kind of look. Remember, they are only bold if they are scared.
