10 ways to prevent conflicts with your parents
"They don't trust me..." "They don't love me..." "They don't listen to me..." "They always pick on me..." In various conversations with different groups of teenagers, these statements seem to resonate loud and clear, striking a familiar chord in many a young person's heart.While these complaints may be legitimate in some cases, I believe in many other situations, teenagers may have jumped into some wrong conclusions about their parents. In both scenarios, parent-child conflicts suface as a result. However, I would like to suggest some ways to pre-empt these difficulties from emerging.
Think about these 10 Ts in relatinf to your parents:
Treat them as you want them to treat you.
How would you like to be treated by your parents? With trust, respect, fairness and warmth? Likewise, treat your parents in the same ways you want them to treat you. Yes, trust them, respect them, be fair and warm towards them. Confucius once said: "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you." I wouls advocate a positive biblical stance: "Do to others what you want them to do to you."
Trust that parents are people too.
Yes, parents make mistakes too; they lose their temper like you do. They have needs too; like in their middle-marriage period; they may be adjusting to mid-life changes with regard to their careers, relationships and marriage. With reference to the family life cycle with teenage children, they tend to shift the balance in parent-child relationships, like being less directive when their children were younger. The bottom line is that you need to understand your parents as to what they may be going through, and not be so self-centered to just be concerned about your own needs. "They don't understand me" is a common grouse but do you try to understand them, too? Remember an important adage, "I seek first not to be understood, but to understand."
Talk to them.
Parents would like to know what is going on in their children's lives. For instance, how the school play went, the scores at the soccer match, the new friend you met in the chatroom. So, my young readers, do give your parents openings to communicate with you.
Turn to them as friends.
What do you do with your own friends? You share time with them and talk to them, right? Sometimes even in the wee hours of the morning, or you may be constantly sending SMS messages to them, or you are on the email with them regularly. Likewise, do take time to talk to your parents and share time with them, either having a meal together, shopping or catching a movie together.
Together determine and discuss the basics.
Part of sharing time and talking with your parents could include discussions on household chores, curfew hours, allowances or school expectations. Such joint decision-making with parents helps to foster trust and responsibility in their children.
Try doing the ordinary, and the special will take care of itself.
Once you can be trusted with these basics which you have responsibility fulfilled, when your special request, say, a long camping trip, is voiced, it would be easier for your parents to relax their rules. Remember, to be trusted, one has to first show oneself to be trustworthy.
Timeout during family arguments.
Perhaps your parents had a bad day at work and your day at school wasn't any better. In such settings, angry feelings can be easily sparked off. It's wise to call a timeout and allow a cooling-off period to avoid these ugly anger outbursts from surging, with the pain and hurt that accompany them.
Think of escape routes when in difficult situations.
Plan options in handling difficult situations. Sometimes, simply withdrawing from the environment helps. At a later point, you would need to re-visit the issue and address it. Conflict resolution stems from the standpoint of wanting to understand, to listen and be emphatic.
Take the initiative to say, "I'm sorry".
When we have made a mistake, it's the one who is courageous who takes the initiative to apologise. Asking for forgiveness frees our sould from bearing the guilt and shame of the mistake we have made. It's a sure sign of your maturity and it also indicates that you want to re-establish good and positive relationships with your parents.
Tell them they are doing a good job.
Parenting is not a piece of cake; in fact, it is tough business, especially with teenage children with their raging hormones and heightened emotionality. Hence, feel for your parents, and when they are doing a good job as a parent, affirm them. Show them your appreciation, and you will see them beaming from ear to ear.
Besides relating to your parents, some of you have siblings. Do you want to get along well with your siblings too? Try these pointers:
» Greet them "Good morning" and "Good night".
» Take time to talk with them and do acitivities that they like to do.
» Show that you care, and offer help in times of trouble.
» Let them know constantly that you love them. Hug them, tell them "I love
you", or do something to express your love.
» Write notes of encouragement telling them how much you appreciate them.
» Praise them in public; never correct them in public.
» Earn the privilege to correct through praise.
» Be what you want your sibligs to be.
» Don't quarrel over small things. If you are angry, cool off first and then talk it
over with your sibling.
» Apologise if you have to.
» Create ways to undo the damage of past actions.
» Teach younger siblings how to study, etc.
» Volunteer to clean or take care of the house.
» Treat you siblings better than you would treat your best friend.
Labels: How to handle your parents, parent-child conflict, prevent conflict, siblings
