Are you stressed? You are not alone. Most teenagers experience stress usually due to school, parents and peers. While you can't totally eliminate stress from your life altogether, there are ways to managing it.
Stress. That's when our muscles tense, our breath becomes short and our heart starts to race. Stressful situations are abundant in our lives. But it is how we manager these situations that determines the damage done to us. With the help of 4 Gals n Boys, here are some stress-related scenarios you can identtify with and tips on how to deal with them.
Peer Pressure
All your friends are doing something you're not comfortable with. But you go along with it anyway because you don't want to be a party pooper. That's peer pressure. Peer pressure can occur in a direct straightforward manner as when your friends 'persuade' you to let them copy your homework or indirectly like when friends stop talking to you when you do not conform. At times, peer pressure can be a matter of perception. This happens when there is no logical or rational proof that your friends would reject you if you choose to act differently, yet you believe they would do so. Therefore, you conform, not to them, but to your own belief that they would reject you if we don't.
What can you do about it?
You should first realise that you don't have to be a part of a group in order to feel like you belong to something. In fact, it takes more courage to stand up and be an individual in your thoughts, words and deeds. Here's how you can deal with peer pressure.
AVOID IT Know where, how, when and who it is coming from, so that you may prevent yourself from being caught in the situation. For instance, if you know that a classmate is part of a group that vandalises school property and bullies students, avoid mixing with him/her so you won't be pressured to join in the trouble making.
FIGHT IT 'Fight' to be who you are - assert yourself. For example, if you do not like smoking, just say "No!". Being assertive is not being aggressive. It is being a self-confident person - somebody who has your own personal views and values, and who dares to stand up for those values. Dare to be different.
FLEE FROM IT When you feel that the pressure is too much to handle, be smart - flee from it! This may sometimes mean finding a different group of friends. Let's say you have made the mistake of joining a gang and realise that their activities are illegal. The best thing to do in this situatin is to stop mixing with the gang members and flee from the pressure to take part in gang activities. Fleeing is not being cowardly. It is being smart and courageous to be "true to yourself".
Stress from parents
Stress can also come from parents. It could be that they're pushing you for better grades, or that they even criticise your views because they are different from theirs. Sometimes they can create stress that neither you nor them realise. Like when parents argue with each other without regard to your feelings or when they place work before family. First you have realise that parents are not perfect. They make mistakes too. There isn't a Parenting Manual or a School for Parents that they can go to learn how to be a good parent. They too experience stress from work or the need to ensure that you do well in school. There is usually competition among parents to "show off" their child's academic results or compare it amongst their children to see who has done the best in the examinations. Though rather difficult in some instances, teens need to build a good relationship with parents. Healthy communication between the parties involved is always the best tool to begin with.
And if you think that your parents won't listen to you, ask youself: "How will I know unless I give it a try?" Just as you want your parents to give you a chance, how about trying to give them a chance? Their reactions might surprise you. Be patient with them because they might be going through a rough time in their lives and trying to cope with the various responsibilities too. So here's what you can do to built a better relationship with your parents:
» Let your parents know that you need their support, patience and love. Make them realise that you are willing to accept their views if they are willing to listen to yours.
» Parents can be unfair at times and this may make you angry. Don't discuss your complaints when either of you are angry or upset. Calm down and wait till they're in a good mood. Discuss your feelings later or in a few days.
» When discussing complaints, opinions or requests, don't act in a rude manner. Don't raise your voice but instead discuss them matter in a normal tone. If you yell and shout, it will not get you anywhere. Stay calm and talk, they will be more willing to listen to what you have to say.
» Remember that compromising is the key to maintaining any form of relationship. Always be willing to hear each other out and work out the best possible solution. Be willing to meet some of your parents demands in order to get them to accept some of yours.
» If you feel that your parents don't understand you and that there is no way that you can talk to them without it turning into a huge argument, you can do two things. Either, write them a letter expressing how you feel or go to adults like a relative or family friend whom you are close to and seek their advice. Express your fears, feelings and concerns to them. They can in turn talk to your parents about it.
Exam Stress
The exams are around the corner. And the old familiar sense of panic and fear of not doing well is building up. Time is running out and you still have so much more revision to do. Here's advice from experts on how to cope with the exam stress:
» Studying consistently is the key to avoid too much of stress during the exams. It is pointless to cram everything in during the last few days. Keeping up with your homework assignments and doing your reading and revision after each chapter will serve you better in the long run. This way, all that needs to be done before the examinations is a quick revision!
» Have a study method that works for you. For example, work out a separate timetable taht plots when, how much and what to study. And when you're studying, organise what you need to cover, summarise them and make short notes for easy referenece. Ans your teacher if you're not sure about anything.
» Take time out from studying and do something that you enjoy, like roller-blading or listening to music. This helps you to relax, and refreshes your mind so that it will be able to absorb new material when you sit down to revise again. Do this every two to three hours because there is only so much information that your brain can take in a certain amount of time.
» Think positive! Don't compare yourself with your classmates. It will only make you more anxious. Worse still, the panic could even immobilise you and prevent you from getting any study done!
» Set realistic expectations of yourself. Most students find that exams get tougher each year. Don't be discouraged if you don't score as well as you had expected. It is normal that as you progress, it becomes more difficult to get perfect scores!
» Reward yourself with good sleep, healthy food and good breaks!
Seeking Help
While you should be able to handle most stressful situations by yourself or by talking to family and friends, sometimes you may need the help of professionals to beat severe stress. These are the warning signs that you should seek professional help:
» insomnia
» loss of appetite
» feeling tired all the time
» depression or feeling withdrawn
» thoughts of suicide (in extreme cases)
» inability to communicate with others
» unable to concentrate on school work
Stress-Relieving Tips
»Laugh at your mistakes and live with them.
»Eat well.
» Get active - exercise! Working out is one way to beat the blues and refresh your body and mind.
» Keep a journal. Expressing your feelings will make you feel better.
» Talk to others. Don't bottle up all your feelings inside.
» Catch a movie/listen to music to take a break and relax.
Labels: beat stress, coping, eliminate stress, exam stress, How to handle your parents, learn to cope, managing stress, peer pressure, stressed
10 ways to prevent conflicts with your parents
"They don't trust me..." "They don't love me..." "They don't listen to me..." "They always pick on me..." In various conversations with different groups of teenagers, these statements seem to resonate loud and clear, striking a familiar chord in many a young person's heart.While these complaints may be legitimate in some cases, I believe in many other situations, teenagers may have jumped into some wrong conclusions about their parents. In both scenarios, parent-child conflicts suface as a result. However, I would like to suggest some ways to pre-empt these difficulties from emerging.
Think about these 10 Ts in relatinf to your parents:
Treat them as you want them to treat you.
How would you like to be treated by your parents? With trust, respect, fairness and warmth? Likewise, treat your parents in the same ways you want them to treat you. Yes, trust them, respect them, be fair and warm towards them. Confucius once said: "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you." I wouls advocate a positive biblical stance: "Do to others what you want them to do to you."
Trust that parents are people too.
Yes, parents make mistakes too; they lose their temper like you do. They have needs too; like in their middle-marriage period; they may be adjusting to mid-life changes with regard to their careers, relationships and marriage. With reference to the family life cycle with teenage children, they tend to shift the balance in parent-child relationships, like being less directive when their children were younger. The bottom line is that you need to understand your parents as to what they may be going through, and not be so self-centered to just be concerned about your own needs. "They don't understand me" is a common grouse but do you try to understand them, too? Remember an important adage, "I seek first not to be understood, but to understand."
Talk to them.
Parents would like to know what is going on in their children's lives. For instance, how the school play went, the scores at the soccer match, the new friend you met in the chatroom. So, my young readers, do give your parents openings to communicate with you.
Turn to them as friends.
What do you do with your own friends? You share time with them and talk to them, right? Sometimes even in the wee hours of the morning, or you may be constantly sending SMS messages to them, or you are on the email with them regularly. Likewise, do take time to talk to your parents and share time with them, either having a meal together, shopping or catching a movie together.
Together determine and discuss the basics.
Part of sharing time and talking with your parents could include discussions on household chores, curfew hours, allowances or school expectations. Such joint decision-making with parents helps to foster trust and responsibility in their children.
Try doing the ordinary, and the special will take care of itself.
Once you can be trusted with these basics which you have responsibility fulfilled, when your special request, say, a long camping trip, is voiced, it would be easier for your parents to relax their rules. Remember, to be trusted, one has to first show oneself to be trustworthy.
Timeout during family arguments.
Perhaps your parents had a bad day at work and your day at school wasn't any better. In such settings, angry feelings can be easily sparked off. It's wise to call a timeout and allow a cooling-off period to avoid these ugly anger outbursts from surging, with the pain and hurt that accompany them.
Think of escape routes when in difficult situations.
Plan options in handling difficult situations. Sometimes, simply withdrawing from the environment helps. At a later point, you would need to re-visit the issue and address it. Conflict resolution stems from the standpoint of wanting to understand, to listen and be emphatic.
Take the initiative to say, "I'm sorry".
When we have made a mistake, it's the one who is courageous who takes the initiative to apologise. Asking for forgiveness frees our sould from bearing the guilt and shame of the mistake we have made. It's a sure sign of your maturity and it also indicates that you want to re-establish good and positive relationships with your parents.
Tell them they are doing a good job.
Parenting is not a piece of cake; in fact, it is tough business, especially with teenage children with their raging hormones and heightened emotionality. Hence, feel for your parents, and when they are doing a good job as a parent, affirm them. Show them your appreciation, and you will see them beaming from ear to ear.
Besides relating to your parents, some of you have siblings. Do you want to get along well with your siblings too? Try these pointers:
» Greet them "Good morning" and "Good night".
» Take time to talk with them and do acitivities that they like to do.
» Show that you care, and offer help in times of trouble.
» Let them know constantly that you love them. Hug them, tell them "I love
you", or do something to express your love.
» Write notes of encouragement telling them how much you appreciate them.
» Praise them in public; never correct them in public.
» Earn the privilege to correct through praise.
» Be what you want your sibligs to be.
» Don't quarrel over small things. If you are angry, cool off first and then talk it
over with your sibling.
» Apologise if you have to.
» Create ways to undo the damage of past actions.
» Teach younger siblings how to study, etc.
» Volunteer to clean or take care of the house.
» Treat you siblings better than you would treat your best friend.
Labels: How to handle your parents, parent-child conflict, prevent conflict, siblings